Ugh. I was dreading an inevitable detailed review of this cartoon, but it has to be done, as I promised it so. Where do I start? I first came across a description of this cartoon in Jerry Beck’s Animated Movie Guide :
99. KING DICK (7/3/82) (Italy) Aquarius Releasing. 65 mins. D: Cibba. A midget servant must fall in love with a haggard witch to break a spell and return the pair to prince and princess. a.k.a. “Little Dick, The Mighty Midget” an X-rated feature (source)
That alone made it seem like an enticing watch, boy, was I wrong. When I first acquired a copy of King Dick or Little Dick: The Mighty or Il Nano e La Strega, I couldn’t understand it initially because I don’t speak Italian. I had to find an English version in order to tune into what’s going on because otherwise, what the hell? I eventually did find what I was looking for and well, it’s not a fun watch.
Cast of characters:
There might have been something lost in translation, I imagine because the English translators have done little to retain anything funny in the whole experience. This is a similar sentiment I felt with the films of Picha which were badly translated and butchered for the American market as the messes that are Shame of the Jungle and B.C. Rock. The difference here is that there doesn’t seem to be any censorship involved here.
Sit back, smoke a bowl or pour yourself a good scotch, bourbon, or whiskey and read on, brave readers. This is going to be a stupefying ride. First off, the music has obviously been changed to something less jarring, but too mellow in kind of an elevator soundtrack sort of way. The narrator tells us that this film takes place in the times of a tyrant named Charles the Impotent and that there lived a notary named Master Limpcock who had a beautiful wife named Erotica and he has the problem that his name implies.
He attempts at squeezing her butt and her breasts to no avail as nothing seems to get him hard. She tells him it’s no use and that he should give up. He recommends she squirms around a little since she used to be so full of life. He says screw it and takes out his anger on a bottle that has a hard phallic neck because it’s always the rational thing to take out your sexual frustration on inanimate objects, I guess. After smacking the bottle and some eggs onto the floor, Limpcock walks away in a hissy-fit and in a moment of slapstick hilarity, Erotica slips on one of the eggs and lands with her legs spread open.
Meanwhile, in a box is a hidden man Erotica (in a fancy with originality plus a hint of name brand recognition) refers to as “Casanover.” Huh. He’s a dopey looking guy, but hey, he’s got something to offer that our erectile dysfunction inflicted notary doesn’t have.
A sex scene ensues and, well, it’s weird looking. Man, at this point I wish I still had my Italian copy to compare the soundtrack alterations, but the English version contains your typical French love-making music intended for a Jerry Lewis sex romp that never came to fusion.
Peeping in the action is none other than our hero, Little Dick, the midget servant who declares sight of stupefying sexual physics as being better than watching TV. Ah, I get it, it’s an anachronism because television didn’t exist in this time period.
At the ring of a bell, Limpcock demands Little Dick’s presence. Little Dick now has a mission, to deliver a letter to an ugly witch named Nymphomania. He needs that letter delivered because the witch will help him with his E.D. As it turns out, Nymphomania has a problem of her own, she attempts to create a formula that will make her beautiful and worthy of a bone. Everybody wants something.
Nymphomania has a rhyming crystal ball that tells her to quit wasting good crocodile shit on that beauty potion since what she really needs is 69 orgasms to become beautiful. It turns out that some “fart face” cast a spell on her years ago and made her look stupid. Also, she has a talking toad assistant named Aphrodisiac. Color me slow, but I think there’s a pattern to the character names. The crystal ball (who no longer rhymes) bestows the title of magic frog on because he wears a hat. Even though he was initially called a toad and the fact that he talks is pretty fucking magic in itself, he now has official recognition by a glowing ball.
This movie is already getting kind of dumb. I hope I’m not just going to be subjected to a series of poorly executed sex gags… (foreshadowing). Little Dick gives the witch Limpcock’s letter and then he gets a boner. Nymphomania is pleased to see that the dwarf is well endowed and falls for his penis. Or maybe she genuinely likes the dwarf? Nah, she’s all about the D! D as in dwarf? No, dick, you retard!
She starts doing some gross tongue gesture, casts off her robe and rapes the midget.
She has three orgasms and temporarily becomes hot again.
Aphrodisiac tells her to quit admiring her beauty and keep screwing otherwise she’ll turn ugly again. She turns back into her previous form and makes her way to Limpcock’s office to make a trade. If she can fix his problem, she could have Little Dick. He says hell yeah and they proceed to change his name from Limpcock to Stiffpenis (that doesn’t have as much of a poetic ring to it).
How will this all pan out? I don’t know, tune in another time because this going to be a long fucking review that I’ll break into parts. Consider this the end of Part I: Dick Pulling.
Haha, I’m kidding, the review ends here. This isn’t one of my favorite adult cartoons, but I love the designs. The guy who directed this mess was actually a good cartoonist. The jokes are flat and it’s a whole lot of sex gags and at one point, a character gets anally penetrated which I imagine is painful. The End.
Fuggin' Dig It! 
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